Escrow sucks

Yeah

escrowsucks — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 06:37:10 +0000

http://fuckyeahnouns.com/Escrow

and

http://fuckyeahnouns.com/dumb%20realtor

That is all.

The longer you sit, the earlier you die

escrowsucks — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 06:52:42 +0000

So a friend of mine shared this with me…

Great news for us escrow people! Not only do we stress all day with Fidiots, but we’re more prone to die earlier.

NICE.

www.chicagotribune.com/health/sns-health-healthy-aging-sitting-early-death,0,6105710.story

chicagotribune.com

The longer you sit, the earlier you die

Researchers say that’s even for people who exercise regularly after long sit-a-thons at the office and aren’t obese.

Marissa Cevallos

Sentinel Staff Writer

August 25, 2010

Unlike most bad news, this one is best heard standing up: people who sit more than 6 hours a day are more likely to die earlier.

That’s even for people who exercise regularly after long sit-a-thons at the office and aren’t obese.

That’s the sobering news from a new study that tracked more than 100,000 adults for 14 years. Researchers from the American Cancer Society in Atlanta followed 53,000 men and 70,000 women and asked them to fill out questionnaires about their physical activity.

Even after adjusting for body mass index (BMI) and smoking, the researchers found that women who sit more than 6 hours a day were 37 percent more likely to die than those who sit less than 3 hours; for men, long-sitters were 17 percent more likely to die.

People who exercise regularly had a lower risk, but still significant, risk of dying. Those who sat a lot and moved less than three and a half hours per day are the most likely to die early: researchers found a 94 percent increased risk for women and 48 percent increase for men, they announced recently in the American Journal of Epidemiology.

To squeeze in some more exercise at the office, try a few of these tips:

Take frequent laps around the office or outside.

Find an exercise buddy at work and agree to get off your butts several times each day.

Stand up and stretch every hour. Set an alarm on your phone or computer to remind you.

Do calf raises: while standing, push yourself up on your toes, hold, and release.

While sitting, squeeze your butt: tense your gluteals, hold, and relax.

While sitting, raise your shoulders up to your ears, then back down.

How Late Are You Staying?

escrowsucks — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:34:30 +0000

I know. Been a while since I’ve blogged here. If you’re wondering, I’ve been focusing on other more positive endeavors. I’m not a negative person by far… it’s just that this job really is negative. Toxic. Nasty. Just plain Fugly.

I just got this email a few mins ago and I just copy and pasted exactly what it read but due to privacy changed the information in the [brackets.]. Yeah, I did really “LOL” when I read this incoming email:

**************************************************

From: [Doc Drawer]

Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 5:16 PM
To: [Escrow officer]
Subject: [Borrower name] – how late r u staying this
Importance: High

Hi [Escrow officer],

are you staying late this evening. We are trying to send a set of loan documents for signing this evening?

[xxx-xxx-xxxx] directly line

Alive. Barely…

escrowsucks — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 07:27:58 +0000

Dude, it’s been over a month since I’ve had a chance to post anything. That’s because it has been busy. Like HELLA busy. Like bleeding through your eyeballs while your nuts are in a vice grip busy. Busier than a one legged man in an @$$ kicking contest kind of busy. So it’s around midnight, and I am just getting home from the office now? NOW? What a life. And does anyone care at all? No. Not really.

As long as you make your numbers and close them escrows, you’ll be considered a good employee for making the upper middle management rich. Just don’t say too much and don’t put overtime down, K?

Escrow officers are expected to do too much. It is a thankless job, that is for sure. Management lays the assistants off because of one not so great month industry wide — so now the EO’s (who already do everything) do more of the pointless grunt work and then some. How am I to close ALL of these transactions when I am busy playing receptionist during my signings? Like – in the middle of a short sale, and then I have to answer the phone to fax someone on another continent a final HUD-1 for a transaction that closed 5 years ago and all of a sudden it is “urgent?”

OH, and on top of that they also say that no overtime “is allowed?” Eff that! Don’t even get me started. Why? So they can keep their profit margins? That is truly retarded. A whole topic right there…

And I was just advised recently that upper management wants us to capture more refi business. RIGHT. We can’t even close what we have on our desks now because we don’t have the capacity or staff to do so. Realtors, and loan agents get pissed when we can’t do anything “now”, but they gotta understand it’s also because we simply do not have the resources to do so. That and most of em are just retards anyway. (Except for a few – the anomalies – that are awesome… You KNOW who you are.)

And this too — one of my pet peeves – we gots da slow systems from like the 1980′s and corporate tells us that we can not upgrade because of certain “security” issues. (More like their insecurity issues…) That’s damn right. I also love it also how we get these stupid “tips of the day” for our system, and their screen shots are all nice current software. Then I question how the hell we are supposed to do these particular steps when we don’t even HAVE the software they show? We can’t upgrade our browser. We’re stuck in shag carpets and wood panel walls. GAH. So stupid…

So yeah, I’m just rambling now since it is late and I am delirious from working consistent 12-16+ hour thankless days for free…

Dude… so… Escrow Sucks is barely alive, but more shtuff to come whenever there is time… YES I am looking for a new job since the only change for this industry seems to always be for the worse…

Escrow Smells.

escrowsucks — Wed, 05 May 2010 20:53:03 +0000

So a fellow co-worker of mine is in a signing right now – the conference room is next to me. I can’t help but wonder if the buyers know how strong their “cologne” is. It’s very strong. I mean, so strong I think the office plants are wilting… I can smell this odiferous abomination all the way from the other side of the office. It’s a putrid smell that reminds me of… a beautiful field of wild flowers with a dead rotting buffalo carcass. It’s wafting through this office slowly killing all living things in sight. Well, escrow does that anyway… but, seriously, COMON! I mean, I think people should take showers before coming into signings, yes? Don’t try to cover it up cuz that will make it only smell worse. Shoot.

OH, and dude, the dye job on this dudes hair? Wow… matches the smell. Patchy blue grey. black.

I’m getting a headache and am about to barf…

New Rule…

escrowsucks — Wed, 05 May 2010 06:14:30 +0000

… Or it could just be plain laziness?

I’ve meant to post this at the end of the month, but — yeah, it was just a bit busy during that time. Just a little. You know, end of the month. When everyone wants to make their numbers and push for files to fund and close unnecessarily?

So, I have a deluge of files trying to record on the last day of the month and I figure: Heck, perhaps the loan agent can help and follow up on all her loans cuz I have a bizzigrillion-trillijillion other SUPER unimportant yet supposedly urgent tasks and files that I must attend to…

I ask the loan agent to follow up on a couple of files and follow up with their INTERNAL funding department… and the reply I got was exactly this:

“We have a new rule that I am not allowed to contact the closing dept on the last day of the month, however you can.”

Wow. So, OK – what am I supposed to say to that? I immediately call the loan agent and fire off: “Hey— so, uhh… What if you do? Are they going to take your funding badge away? Demerits on your record? They gonna give you a ticket? Maybe a time out? Dunce cap? Are they going to ground you? How is the closing department going to enforce this? Can’t you call from a payphone and change your voice?”
…

So I call the funder and obtain all the statuses and other funding conditions myself.

Then I asked about this “Rule.” The funder replies that their closing department has not heard of such a thing and actually chuckled at that notion of “no contact from the loan agent.” Just thinking about it – I mean, what difference would it make anyway? They don’t do jack in the first place. You would just have one less irritating beeehyatch to deal with in the transaction…

New rule. Riiiiighhhht….

end of the month eve and the escrow sucks store.

escrowsucks — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 06:58:14 +0000

Its end of the month eve, almost midnight and I am sitting here dreading tomorrow…dude. End of the month? Fuggettahboutit.

SO — on a totally random tangent, I am launching…

http://www.cafepress.com/escrowsucks

I know, not much on there but what the heck… it’s a start.

MORE ITEMS TO FOLLOW!!!

GAH!! … Maybe one day all this creativity stored up in me will actually be put to good use…

HUD for dummies…

escrowsucks — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 08:34:54 +0000

Hiya folks! I know, it’s been a while since I’ve entered anything on this venting platform. I was on vacation for a week (heh, heh – yeah, EO on vacation… ) — and when I came back, my desk had gobbled me up and prevented me from seeing any daylight at all for 2 weeks straight! Ya leave for a week, and escrow comes back with a fierce vengeance. Rest assured, I am still alive. Kind of. More on this later. I did throw another pencil in my ceiling due to escrow frustrations…

Anyway, I just wanted to share this photo that a friend of mine sent me today. This basically sums up the headache we’ve been dealing with… the new GFE’s and HUDs. So confusing, that it is so not compliant.

They can shove it up their line 801 for all I care.

HUD official going over “How To Property Complete the new GFE and HUD”

4/1. In honor of those that make this place so fun.

escrowsucks — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 21:31:15 +0000

It’s a rough day today, and dealing the unusually high amount of stupidity that we deal with does not help at all. I mean, its not easy. The amount of trees we kill, and all these whining cry babies thinking that their transaction is the ONLY transaction in the world and egos the size of Rhode Island – makes you think… How the hell is this housing market going to get any better with all these retards “running” the show? Yes, today, April Fool’s day is in honor of those that make our job so entertaining.

I know I haven’t written in a while but a few quick points for this week in review. There were plenty more idiots we were dealing with but for now these are the ones that come to mind… These are ACTUAL events that have happened in our office.

- Client calls us to complain mid day that we are not open. He is calling from his cell phone. He calls our land line complaining we are not open and its mid day.

“WHY WONT YOUR DOOR OPEN?! It’s past 11!!”

“Sorry sir, try to push the door, don’t pull. We are open and have been since 7 am.”

- Prior to document condition comes in that the broker emails me: “Title company and escrow company can not be related.”

- Short sale coming to life where no agents are present. They hire another 3^rd party to do all their work. the listing agent hires this person as a type of short sale coordinator. The buyers agent hires same person to get a new loan. Agents are nowhere to be found. Only talked to agents a few months ago to introduce my self. They then contact me to tell me who I should talk to w/ authorization. The only other time I will talk to them is at close of escrow when they are rushing and wanting their commission check cut. It’s just pretty funny to see how these realtors and agents are NOWHERE to be found until the day we cut the check.

- Ding dong mortgage broker thinks it’s the only deal in existence for a 3 unit condo conversion. Tries to rush me in preparing everything but then realizes it’s a condo conversion (after I ask if It’s a condo conversion) and now he must wait for the other units… (DUH! IT’S A CONDO CONVERSION REETARRD!)

- Keys (See prior post.) I still can’t believe someone wanted us to hand them keys for the open house that we have a pre-listing escrow on. We’re the effin title company. Sure, we’ll give you keys, Oh, we’ll also brush your teeth, change your diapers, and wipe your @$$. For free. That’s what we do.

- Lender sends 7 separate emails to print 1 set of loan docs.

- DUMB processor schedules a signing with me at 10 am. Processor calls the client and tells them loan docs will be at title and to come here at 10. 2 problems: 1) I do not have loan docs. I explain very intently how I wished it was just “Print and sign”. 2.) Next problem: borrower is 403 miles away (no joke).

- Tons of phone calls from clients asking “if we got their email”. Pet peeve of mine. I mean, they email and then call the very NEXT second. Dang BYATCHES, y’all just gotta chill.

- Phone call today: “I have a 12 page doc. I don’t have an escrow number. I can’t read it. I don’t know what it is, can you tell me what it is?”

And… just a few minutes ago:

- A realtor from a “upscale” hood outside of our area calls us – oh so VERY IRATE, I may add, yelling obscenities. She is complaining. To escrow. TO ESCROW. (What else is new) The reason: She got a parking ticket because she was in a signing here in our office. She says she had time on the meter. Then she calls escrow to complain. I tell her very nicely that she should take it up with the city then, and not the title company… I am sure they have meters somewhere in her ‘hood.

Keys Please…

escrowsucks — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 17:27:31 +0000

A quick musing for this morning. I just got a call from a real estate agent asking me for keys – to see an open house. … No comment.